Helping Sick Folks in the Church

Some weeks ago, while in Church, the congregation was standing for a long period of time during the singing. My husband's heartbeat was uneven and he began to get weak and finally had to sit down.

He then motioned to me that he was going out which I took to be going to the washroom.

Harold suffered a stroke some years ago. He came out of it with a slight paralysis of the left side which partially impaired the use of his right hand and speech.

The other more serious consequences of the stroke have been the continued heart atrial fibrillation and the maintaining of his blood consistency.

We have lived with the various subsequent side effects of this illness ever since, and have come to know what to do --or not to do -- sometimes having to simply wait out such associated problems as we were now experiencing.

However, when he did not return to his seat for a longer time than expected, I looked back into the lobby and saw him standing there, looking idle and pale. So I left my seat and went to join him and found out what had happened. Since there was no place to lay down in the lobby area, I helped him lay down on the floor to wait this out.

At that moment other folks noticed the commotion and stepped out to see what was happening and offered their help.

However, here's the reason I'm writing this article today.

These folks began to ask questions about the situation. I told them what it was and assured them that everything was under control; it was just a matter of waiting this out. They kept talking to my husband asking questions about what he had, how it happened, how long this had been going on, if they should call the ambulance, etc., etc.

I kept telling them as politely as I could that everything was ok, we were used to going through this which was part of his post-stroke condition... and that if there was a need to call the ambulance, or do anything specific, I would be doing that.

They kept talking to my husband when he needed to be quiet, asking questions about wanting to do "something", ignoring what I was telling them.

This made me increasingly irritated and upset, but I stayed calm and polite -- bless their hearts, they didn't know better and meant well. But they were taking over without any facts, knowledge or anything about us. And frankly it felt very invasive.

It is a real shame that people have no clue how to behave in such a situation. If the person has a family member care giver with him, then folks need to ease off. It is very nice of them to show concern and to want to help, but don't smother the situation.

Once you've been told that everything is under control and that the familiar occasional recurrence needs to be waited out, then that's it. One or two persons can stay nearby if they want, to support with their presence in case the family needs something, but peace and quiet is what will help the most.

So, if something like this ever happens in your Church, my hope is that this article will help you to know what not to do./dmh

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